Finding Balance: Navigating Motherhood, Marriage, and Self-discovery

Finding Balance: Navigating Motherhood, Marriage, and Self-discovery

Life as a mother, wife, and individual isn’t always a neatly balanced equation. For me, the journey toward finding balance has been full of severe growing pains, realizations, and lessons learned the hard way. It’s easy to get caught up in the demands of motherhood and marriage, leaving little room to explore who I truly am as a person. But over the last couple of years, I’ve come to realize that in order to be the best wife, mother, and version of myself, I need to first take the time to understand and nurture my own identity or as some say, the nature of the beast. Here’s a look at my experience navigating the often-overwhelming journey of motherhood, marriage, and self-discovery.

Motherhood: The Ultimate Rollercoaster

I’ve been a mother for 14 years now, raising three children and stepping into the role of a bonus mom to my husband’s daughter, making it four. My oldest son was born in 2010, and it’s hard to believe how much time has passed since those early days of sleepless nights, diaper changes, and the overwhelming realization that I was now responsible for a tiny human being. I was just 19 years old when I had him, and over the years I often felt like I lost my sense of self.

Motherhood, especially when you’re young, can feel like an endless cycle of guilt, judgment, and self-doubt. There’s the constant pressure to be perfect, to do everything right, and to never make mistakes. I spent years feeling like my happiness didn’t matter, that I was only a mother, and that I gave up my dreams the minute I gave birth. But as I grew older, I began to realize that motherhood isn’t just about raising kids—it’s also about being the best version of myself, for my children and for me. Let me tell you, those realizations didn’t come easy.

The most rewarding part of being a mother, for me, is seeing my kids succeed—whether it’s acing a test, achieving a personal goal, or simply showing kindness and integrity when no one is looking. Witnessing their growth into thoughtful, empathetic people fills me with pride and joy. It’s the kind of happiness that makes my heart swell and reminds me that just maybe, what I am doing is right.

But there are challenges too, especially for young mothers. I spent years feeling judged—by others, but more often, by myself. The guilt over mistakes I made with my first son were the most overwhelming, and it took time to unlearn the unhealthy patterns I inherited from my own upbringing. I now understand that while mistakes are part of life, they don’t define me as a mother. I’m learning to be kinder to myself and to embrace the idea that I’m doing the best I can.

Marriage: Learning From the Past and Embracing Growth

Marriage has been another area of growth for me. My first marriage ended in 2016, after nearly ten years together. We were both young, making mistakes, figuring out who we were, and navigating the complicated waters of adulthood, parenthood, and self-discovery. The divorce was hard, but it was also a necessary turning point.

I met my now-husband in 2019, and we’ve been married for four years. Our relationship has its own set of challenges, many of which stem from childhood trauma, unhealthy habits, and the cycles of dysfunction passed down from the generations before me. But I’m determined to break these patterns and build a healthier, more fulfilling marriage.

A major challenge for me in my current marriage is the struggle to hold on to my identity as a woman outside of my roles as a mother and wife. For a long time, I lost myself in those roles, thinking that my worth was tied solely to my family. I’ve been working hard to find a balance between being a good wife and mother and reclaiming who I am as an individual. But that’s easier said than done. I’ve struggled with unhappiness in my career and life choices, and sometimes, I feel like I’m living in a version of myself that doesn’t fully align with who I want to be.

I’ve also had to navigate cultural differences. My husband is Brazilian, and we come from very different backgrounds. While this has led to many enriching conversations and growth, it’s also been a source of tension at times, as we learn to understand each other’s traditions, values, and ways of communicating.

Self-Discovery: Reconnecting With Who I Am

Self-discovery is a journey that, for me, began much later than it should have. When I became a mother, I lost touch with the things that once brought me joy—things like reading, writing, taking pictures & learning photography, and simply having time for myself. For years, I focused solely on my kids, my marriage, and the daily grind of life. But I hit a breaking point not long ago, when I realized that I wasn’t ever going to have the life I dream of or that I could end up divorced again if I didn’t make some changes—not just for my marriage or my kids, but for myself.

I accepted the cold hard truth- that I was miserable. I wasn’t happy with my career, I wasn’t happy with how I had lost touch with my passions, and I wasn’t happy with how I was living life. The first step in my self-discovery journey was facing the hard truth that I needed to change—not just my circumstances, but myself.

I’ve started small. I’ve been journaling my thoughts, breaking down my goals, and finding clarity in the emptiness. There’s something about getting everything out of my head and onto paper that helps me gain perspective. I’ve also been making time for small activities that bring me happiness, like squeezing in a chapter in the morning before the kids wake up or escaping to the gym. Slowly but surely, I’m rediscovering the woman I genuinely want to be. Some women have the luck of being able to look back on their life before becoming a mother, but it hasn’t been that easy for me. I went from a nineteen-year-old girl to a mother and had no time to know what kind of woman I was. Now my journey to fulfilment is developing that women.

/